It’s Always Your Choice
I used to live according to the expectations of others. First it was my parents, then teachers, friends, lovers, bosses. The list goes on and on.
This made me forget who I really was. Throughout my life, I searched for who I really was. I devoured tons of self-help books, attended countless seminars, saw a psychotherapist, had and still have coaches and mentors.
I would like to say I have not reached the end of my self-discovery journey, as I am constantly exploring more.
However, I am in a place of acceptance today. I accept what is. This gives me a great freedom.
Most of the time, I feel myself and my body. That was not the case for decades. Everything happened in the outside. It was always other people’s fault or I blamed circumstances if things didn’t go smoothly or I wasn’t able to do something.
Escape The Victim Mode
When I slip into that direction again, I am now aware of it and either decide to stay in this uncomfortable state of disconnectedness, or I use practices that reconnect me with myself.
I thus move from victimhood to the awareness that I always have a choice. While I cannot control the outside, and certainly can’t control other people, I always have a choice about how I respond to circumstances that come at me from the outside.
My many years of inner work have brought me to this realization. I can decide what I think.
Awareness is what makes the difference.
Being aware of what is happening in my brain and in my body.
Am I in “default mode”, the state of not being connected to myself that I was trained to be in? Still there are times when I find myself in it. My brain has been trained for decades to follow these old patterns. I have already written about conditioning in another blog article.
That means there are these neurological pathways. I think of them as deep furrows. That’s why it takes a bit of an effort to pull the carriage out of there. But damn, it’s worth the struggle!
Catching yourself more and more often thinking the old thoughts that keep you trapped in your habitual behavior, that keep you going in circles, will help you change the neuropathways in your brain step by step.
What You Can Do
The calmer you become, the more you will be able to perceive. You can achieve this using meditation. Meditation can take many different forms.
- You can sit down, become quiet, let your thoughts wander. You can do it all alone, or be guided by someone’s voice, music or a mantra.
- Walking, strolling and jogging can also be meditative.
- Just sitting in nature and looking at the sea, the lake, the trees, listening to the birds.
- Painting, writing poetry, journaling.
- Dancing as if no one is watching you.
- Even cleaning you can turn into a meditative act if you put your intention there.
There are endless possibilities.
What might meditation look like for you? What would bring you to yourself?
Let me know in the comments.
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