If Mama Is Happy, Everybody Is Happy
I just heard from an acquaintance that a young couple with a small child separated, even though they love each other.
On one hand, many people remain unhappy in their relationships. On the other hand, there are more separations than ever before. I believe that both do not have to necessarily happen.
We never do anything together!
Elvira has really put her heart into it. She stood in the kitchen all afternoon, prepared with joy and created a 5-course menu with which she wanted to surprise her husband when he comes back from work. They hadn’t been doing anything together for a long time.
The table is perfectly set, the food is ready and Elvira has extra put on the dress that Herrmann likes so much on her.
It is half past seven. Actually, he should have been home half an hour ago. On Wednesdays, he usually comes home a little earlier than the other days. That’s why she had chosen this day.
Quarter to eight. Elvira is getting increasingly nervous. She fears for the quality of her food. He doesn’t answer the phone either. Not that it’s unusual for Michael to come home late, but today of all days!
Elvira’s mood worsens with the movement of the hand on the kitchen clock. The wildest scenes play out in her head-movie. What is he doing? Is there another woman? After all, it often happens that he comes home late without telling her.
Finally, shortly before eight, Elvira hears the key in the door. Michael comes in. Obviously not in the best mood, he mumbles “Good evening” to himself. That’s nothing new either.
Elvira, really fueled by the fantasies in her head and her anger, just barks, “Well, the gentleman is finally home? I’ve been waiting for you for an hour now. The food is sizzled now. You’ve ruined my evening again. We haven’t done anything together for months. Either you don’t have time or you don’t feel like it. And besides, you don’t do anything around the house and don’t take care of the kids enough. Everything is left to me!“
Michael stands there with his head down and doesn’t know what’s happening to him. Then he fights back and shoots back verbally at her. One thing leads to another. The confrontation escalates into a loud argument. In the end, doors slam. He plops on the couch in front of the TV and she angrily clears the table again and the kitchen.
No one is doing well.
What is this really about?
As a woman, you may be able to relate to Elvira’s frustration and may have experienced a similar situation before.
We wake up from our girlish dream and realize that after all the prince probably doesn’t act the way we want him to. He doesn’t read our minds and it’s far from all glitz and glamour all the time. Just like in the infatuation phase, in which we overlooked one thing or the other because of our rose-colored glasses. Or didn’t want to admit it? Let alone did we come up with the idea of setting rules for our relationship. But I’ll tell you more about that another time.
In this case, it’s about Elvira being dissatisfied. With herself and life in general. She doesn’t feel at all comfortable in her skin right now. In the truest sense of the word. She is convinced that her attractiveness has suffered over the years. She is also overworked most of the time, taking care of her teenage children, the household and building her own business. She always puts others first.
Her husband has a well-paid executive position. For him, the most important thing is that everything runs smoothly in the business so that he can take good care of his family and can offer them the best.
The problem the two of them have is a lack of communication. Each of them tries to manage their own areas and, beyond that, they forget the common ground, the joy and, above all, the love for which they once came together. Instead, there is a lack of understanding and blame for the other.
It is also important to understand that women communicate differently than men. That means I can’t talk to my husband the same way I talk to my girlfriends.
What you can do as a woman
1. Make sure that YOU are doing well
Create free space for yourself where you do things that bring you joy and that make you feel good. This could be to lie in the bathtub for an hour, to spend an afternoon reading a book, or to meet your friends for coffee. What is your favorite thing to do?
I recommend you establish a routine that gives you time to connect with yourself. For example, meditate in the morning and then do sports or gymnastics.
It is very important to start with yourself. Because, as they say on airplanes, “Put on your oxygen mask and only then help your fellow passengers”.
Because if you are not well, you can’t help anyone else.
2. Also take the position of your partner
Put yourself in your partner’s place. Let him tell you what is important to him, what he does and why, and what he feels. I know, the latter is not so easy to tickle out of men. But men have feelings too!
The topic of spending time together seems to be a big thing in womankind. If men aren’t spending as much time with us as we’d like, it could very well be related to the fact that they only want the best for us and the family. After all, they are on the hunt for mammon (formerly mammoth). How often do we accuse them of having other motives?
3. Learn to communicate with men
It is important to wait until he is in the right mood. Attacking a man with desires when he is tired or busy with something usually does not work.
Open your heart!
Always be honest. Seducing and manipulating may work in the short term, but it will not lead you to your real goal in the long run.